oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.