we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
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sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong