ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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