i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
