I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
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WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way