Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it glows. i had to have it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm too high and old for this...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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