I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You're a waste of cheezeits
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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