How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
