I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
