my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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