Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
