JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
