I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
