Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
