I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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