So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
