You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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