Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
