Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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