i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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