I'm gonna have a badass scar
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
