Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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