How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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