Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
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Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
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It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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