your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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