nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
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Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
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I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me