Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
