all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?