Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes