My nipple is on Facebook.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.