hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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