Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
