DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
