im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
