Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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