you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
pray to the hookup gods
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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