he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
