I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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