I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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