Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
smell my finger.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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