How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
