your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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