Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
