you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
