just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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