Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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