dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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