I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
