she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
