um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i think im in europe. pls send help
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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