i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
