so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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