Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
