Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
