this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
