im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
