I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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