I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
