Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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