For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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