if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
